Taylor Andrews

Everyone is having more sex than you. At least, that's how it may seem when you're watching horny "Bridgerton" sex scenes or hearing about your best friend's sexcapades during brunch. But even though it may feel that way, how often do people really, actually, truthfully have sex? For some couples, it may be every day. For others, every few months. But the truth is, there's no "right" or "normal" amount of times you should be having sex. "While most people enjoy sex, not everyone wants or needs to have sex frequently, while others truly do feel they need to," relationship expert Nicole Moore says. "It's important to honor your own needs and not make yourself feel wrong by comparing yourself to others," especially if you're happy and satisfied by the amount of sex you're having. To normalize how different every person's sex life is, and attempt to answer how often people have sex once and for all, we anonymously polled PS followers on Instagram to see how often they have sex with their partners. The results were surprising. How Often Do People Have Sex? Micah*, 42, has been with her husband for more than six years, and they have penetrative sex on average around 20 times per month. "There's rarely a day that he's home that we don't have some type of sexual contact," she tells PS. "It's a way for us to connect, so if we're not having sex often, it doesn't feel right." But for someone like Christina, 29, who has sex one to two times a month with her partner of two years, she believes she is having less sex than most people her age. "I envy those that seem to have a super active sex life, but then understand that it's not lack of desire, just lack of energy and time," she adds. When we reached out on Instagram to anonymously poll our PS followers on how often they have sex, we weren't sure what the results would look like. But according to the 432 respondents, the data was pretty split: 20 percent of people said they have sex more than eight times a month 23 percent of people said they have sex five to eight times a month 37 percent of people said they have sex one to four times a month 20 percent of people said they have sex less than once a month Even though this data represents a small fraction of the millions of people in the United States, it helps prove that there's no "right" amount of sex to have. "The frequency of sex in relationships is truly all across the board, and there's no clear winner in terms of how often one has sex within a relationship," Moore says. If you're happy with the amount of sex you have with your partner, that's genuinely all that matters. How to Avoid Comparing Your Sex Life to Others If you are happy with your sex life but still wonder if you should be having more, try and focus on how happy you feel in your own relationship. "We have to get over the mistaken idea that more sex automatically means a better sex life," Moore says. "Some people prefer to focus on quality over quantity, and that's OK, but it doesn't mean that anything is wrong with your sex life." Moore says to look at sex similarly to how we look at eating dessert: some people want to enjoy a nice dessert every once in a while to truly savor it, while other people want a sweet little treat every night. "Neither experience is right or wrong; it all comes down to individual preference and what makes you feel truly satisfied," Moore says. "We have to get over the mistaken idea that more sex automatically means a better sex life." Keep in mind that there are other factors that could also impact your desire to have sex - many of them not having anything to do with the quality of your romantic relationship, Moore says. You could be struggling with general life stressors, like work and school, or you could be navigating sexual trauma, hormones, medical conditions, birth control and its potential side effects, and more. For this reason, it's important to understand that others are likely not dealing with the same things you and your partner are. If you do, however, want to increase the amount of sex you're having - and not because you think you need to be having more sex, but because you want to be having more sex - Moore says it starts by communicating with your partner. "If you communicate your true feelings with your partner and make it sound like a win-win for the relationship rather than making them feel wrong, they will be much more likely to listen to your concerns," she says. "Let them know that you want them to be satisfied and you want to be satisfied too, and you want to come up with a solution that works for both of you." In the case that you're happy, satisfied, and embracing all those incredible endorphins from the perfect amount of sex you're having, it really doesn't matter how many different types of sex positions your bestie is getting twisted into. You and your partner's happiness are the only two things to consider. *Names have been changed Related: 11 Sexting Examples to Copy When You're Too Horny to Think Taylor Andrews is a Balance editor at POPSUGAR who specializes in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, and more. In her six years working in editorial, she's written about how semen is digested, why sex aftercare is the move, and how the overturn of Roe killed situationships.

Everyone is having more sex than you. At least, that's how it may seem when you're watching horny "Bridgerton" sex scenes or hearing about your best friend's sexcapades during brunch. But even though it may feel that way, how often do people really, actually, truthfully have sex? For some couples, it may be every day. For others, every few months. But the truth is, there's no "right" or "normal" amount of times you should be having sex. "While most people enjoy sex, not everyone wants or needs to have sex frequently, while others truly do feel they need to," relationship expert Nicole Moore says. "It's important to honor your own needs and not make yourself feel wrong by comparing yourself to others," especially if you're happy and satisfied by the amount of sex you're having. To normalize how different every person's sex life is, and attempt to answer how often people have sex once and for all, we anonymously polled PS followers on Instagram to see how often they have sex with their partners. The results were surprising. How Often Do People Have Sex? Micah*, 42, has been with her husband for more than six years, and they have penetrative sex on average around 20 times per month. "There's rarely a day that he's home that we don't have some type of sexual contact," she tells PS. "It's a way for us to connect, so if we're not having sex often, it doesn't feel right." But for someone like Christina, 29, who has sex one to two times a month with her partner of two years, she believes she is having less sex than most people her age. "I envy those that seem to have a super active sex life, but then understand that it's not lack of desire, just lack of energy and time," she adds. When we reached out on Instagram to anonymously poll our PS followers on how often they have sex, we weren't sure what the results would look like. But according to the 432 respondents, the data was pretty split: 20 percent of people said they have sex more than eight times a month 23 percent of people said they have sex five to eight times a month 37 percent of people said they have sex one to four times a month 20 percent of people said they have sex less than once a month Even though this data represents a small fraction of the millions of people in the United States, it helps prove that there's no "right" amount of sex to have. "The frequency of sex in relationships is truly all across the board, and there's no clear winner in terms of how often one has sex within a relationship," Moore says. If you're happy with the amount of sex you have with your partner, that's genuinely all that matters. How to Avoid Comparing Your Sex Life to Others If you are happy with your sex life but still wonder if you should be having more, try and focus on how happy you feel in your own relationship. "We have to get over the mistaken idea that more sex automatically means a better sex life," Moore says. "Some people prefer to focus on quality over quantity, and that's OK, but it doesn't mean that anything is wrong with your sex life." Moore says to look at sex similarly to how we look at eating dessert: some people want to enjoy a nice dessert every once in a while to truly savor it, while other people want a sweet little treat every night. "Neither experience is right or wrong; it all comes down to individual preference and what makes you feel truly satisfied," Moore says. "We have to get over the mistaken idea that more sex automatically means a better sex life." Keep in mind that there are other factors that could also impact your desire to have sex - many of them not having anything to do with the quality of your romantic relationship, Moore says. You could be struggling with general life stressors, like work and school, or you could be navigating sexual trauma, hormones, medical conditions, birth control and its potential side effects, and more. For this reason, it's important to understand that others are likely not dealing with the same things you and your partner are. If you do, however, want to increase the amount of sex you're having - and not because you think you need to be having more sex, but because you want to be having more sex - Moore says it starts by communicating with your partner. "If you communicate your true feelings with your partner and make it sound like a win-win for the relationship rather than making them feel wrong, they will be much more likely to listen to your concerns," she says. "Let them know that you want them to be satisfied and you want to be satisfied too, and you want to come up with a solution that works for both of you." In the case that you're happy, satisfied, and embracing all those incredible endorphins from the perfect amount of sex you're having, it really doesn't matter how many different types of sex positions your bestie is getting twisted into. You and your partner's happiness are the only two things to consider. *Names have been changed Related: 11 Sexting Examples to Copy When You're Too Horny to Think Taylor Andrews is a Balance editor at POPSUGAR who specializes in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, and more. In her six years working in editorial, she's written about how semen is digested, why sex aftercare is the move, and how the overturn of Roe killed situationships.

Dreaming about an ex can be incredibly confusing. Even if you think you've moved on from the relationship, it can resurface old feelings and prompt questions like: What does it mean when you dream about your ex? Why do you keep dreaming about an ex? Does this mean you should get back together? Before you break your no-contact rule and take your dream as a sign to text your ex, however, it's worth considering the context of the former relationship. It could be that you have unresolved feelings about the breakup that still need to be addressed, or perhaps you may be unhappy in your current relationship. It may also have nothing to do with the past relationship at all. "Our dreams very often bring up elements from our past in order to give us a message about our present," dream expert Lauri Loewenberg, author of "Dream on It: Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life," tells PS. For this reason, understanding your dreams about an ex is important - if not to reveal more of your inner psyche, but to also save you from rekindling a relationship that should absolutely not be rekindled. Below, Loewenberg explains more. What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex? It depends on the dream, which ex you are dreaming about, and the interaction you're having with your ex, Loewenberg says. "Every single part of your dream is a piece of the puzzle, therefore every single part is important to pay attention to if you want to get the entire message and benefit from the message." To help, Loewenberg breaks down some of the more common dreams about exes, and what they could mean below. For starters, let's look at the ex you're dreaming about in particular: If you're dreaming of a recent ex, Loewenberg says it could mean you're still sorting through what went wrong and dissecting the reason for the breakup. If you're dreaming of an ex from years ago, it's less likely to be about that particular relationship. "It can mean something is at play in your current life or current relationship that is similar to when you were with that ex," she says. If you're dreaming about your first love (which is "the ex we tend to dream about the most," Loewenberg says), the dream could be more about what that person represents, like excitement and desire. "You may be in a dry spell or your current relationship has become too routine and lost its spark," Loewenberg says. If you're dreaming about a toxic ex, it could be because you're feeling insecure or not good enough - regardless of if you're in a relationship or not. "There may be something or someone that is making you feel that way right now. Or, if it was a particularly traumatic relationship, it could be a telltale sign you have not healed," Loewenberg says. Knowing which ex showed up in your dream is important, but understanding what's happening in your dream may be even more important to understanding the dream. Below, Loewenberg offers a few examples: If you dream of breaking up with your ex (or even killing your ex), it means you are either "ending an attachment you may still have or ending a pattern of behavior, like a tendency to keep falling for the same type, for example," says Loewnberg. If you dream about getting back together with your first love, it could be because you want to feel excited or desired in your current relationship or as you're navigating the dating scene. If you dream about being in a happy, healthy relationship with a toxic ex, "you have come to terms and are at peace with that part of your past and no longer hold it in your mind or in your heart as a wound or something to be ashamed of but rather as a building block in your pillar of strength, a lesson learned, an invaluable pearl of wisdom," Loewenberg says. If you dream about an ex who left a positive impact on your life, your subconscious wants you to "recognize that positivity within yourself," says Loewenberg. If you dream about an ex who you no longer talk to anymore, your dream is likely not about your ex, says Loewenberg. It could be because someone you're dating feels similar to them and your subconscious is reminding you why the relationship didn't work out. Why Do You Keep Dreaming About an Ex? There are many reasons why an ex will show up in your dreams. Most of the time, though, dreaming of an ex will show you "how much you have grown or how much you have not," says Loewenberg. Your subconscious will borrow elements of your past and present them to you in a dream because "something is going on in your current life that feels similar to back then" or because "you need a reality check - a compare and a contrast moment so you can be thankful for where you are now or a reminder that you are essentially stuck in the same damn place psychologically and emotionally," says Loewenberg. Another reason why you could be dreaming about an ex is because you are subconsciously wanting to see how well a new partner fits into your life. For example, you may dream of an ex that made you laugh but it didn't work out because they moved across the country. If you dream about them again, "it may be that your subconscious wants you to have someone in your life that makes you laugh the same way that particular ex did," says Loewenberg. The same goes for an ex's negative qualities. If you find yourself dreaming about an ex who didn't show you affection or give you words of affirmation, it could be your subconscious reminding you that you want to find someone else who does. Does Dreaming About Your Ex Mean They Are Thinking About You? Contrary to what your best friend saw on TikTok, you're not dreaming about your ex because they are thinking about you. "Your dreams are your creation and are all about what is going on in your head," Loewenberg says - it has nothing to do with what someone else is thinking. How to Interpret Your Dreams About Your Ex In the case that you want to interpret your dream yourself, Loewenberg encourages you to ask yourself the follow questions: What three things stand out the most when you think about this ex, and is there anyone in your life that feels similar to those three descriptors? What were you like when that particular ex was in your life? Have you grown since that relationship or are you still stuck on it? What was said between you and your ex in the dream? What is the big lesson you learned from being with that ex, and how can you apply that lesson now? If there is anything or anyone in your life that feels similar to how you initially described your ex, the dream could be a way of letting you know "you may be back with the same type of person or that you are repeating a pattern," Loewenberg says. Also, depending on what is said in the dream, the situation "likely applies to you and to your life right now," she adds. Regardless of how you answer these questions, try not to get too hung up on why you're dreaming about your ex. Of course, you can always use it to analyze your current situation, but you could also just acknowledge that sometimes a dream is just that: a dream. For more dream analysis, here's why you could be dreaming you're pregnant or having lucid dreams. Related: How to Get Over a Breakup, According to Experts Taylor Andrews is a Balance editor at POPSUGAR who specializes in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, and more. In her six years working in editorial, she's written about how semen is digested, why sex aftercare is the move, and how the overturn of Roe killed situationships.

If you've ever Googled "does anal sex hurt?" know that anal sex can be a highly pleasurable experience for all bodies and genders, but it can also cause discomfort for a number of reasons. The speed of insertion, amount of lube used, and lack of communication between you and your partner(s) could all be contributing factors as to why anal sex may feel painful. It may even bring increased tightness or uncomfortable sensations that you're not used to feeling - especially if it's your first time exploring the possibilities of anal sex. Despite these feelings, "no sex should ever hurt or be painful," Betsy Greenleaf, DO, a fellow of the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and owner of the Pelvic Floor Store, says. If you are experiencing pain during or after anal sex, that's reason enough to stop and consider what the problem is before continuing. Ahead, let's dive into the question, "does anal sex hurt?" Does Anal Sex Hurt? You may experience some initial discomfort having anal sex, but you definitely shouldn't feel pain. According to Dr. Greenleaf, you can expect some minor soreness and minimal bright-red blood when wiping within 24 hours afterward, but it shouldn't persist the following day. As for what you should not be experiencing, Dr. Greenleaf notes the following symptoms are abnormal: severe pain, cramps, abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, pain with movement, pain with walking or riding in a car, pain with touching the abdomen, severe pain with bowel movement, or inability to have a bowel movement. She also adds that if you have difficulty holding in gas or being unable to control when you poop, this is also a sign something is wrong. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, you should seek medical advice and assistance. Why Does Anal Hurt? Though anal sex should not hurt, there are a few reasons why you may be experiencing discomfort. The first one could be because you are hesitant, worried, or tense while having anal sex. When this happens, "the muscles of the pelvic floor and the anal sphincter will contract," which Dr. Greenleaf notes is a "natural protective mechanism." But doing this could make you more susceptible to tearing or injuring the muscles in your pelvic floor and anal sphincter, therefore causing pain. If the speed of insertion is too fast or the item you are trying to insert inside your anus is too large, it's also possible "your colon could puncture or rupture," Dr. Greenleaf says. If after or during sex you're experiencing severe abdominal pain, bleeding that isn't stopping, fever, nausea, or vomiting within 24-48 hours, this could be the case - however, Dr. Greeleaf notes that this is "an unusual event." Other complications include infection, abscesses, and STIs. "The bowels are filled with trillions of bacteria. If this bacteria enters through a cut, this can cause an infection. Symptoms may be pain, fever, spreading redness of the skin, pain to the touch, nausea, or vomiting." If you are also not using a condom, you could have an anal STI - though it's important to note that they are not always painful and you may not even know you have one, as some STIs can be asymptomatic. When STIs are left untreated, they can sometimes cause abscesses, which are collections of pus in the area of the anus and rectum. The symptoms include swelling around the anus and a constant, throbbing pain. However, anal sex can also cause abscesses - even without having an STI. The last and perhaps biggest reason you could be experiencing pain is because you are not using lube. "The anal canal does contain some mucous but does not produce lubrication as a vagina can," Dr. Greenleaf says. For this reason, not using lube could contribute to uncomfortable friction that could absolutely be avoided. How to Make Anal Not Hurt Anal sex can actually elicit a ton of pleasure when done correctly - one study showed that nearly 44 percent of women have experienced pleasure from some form of internal or external anal touch. It's important to know how to properly have anal sex so you don't put your health at risk. These are some tips on how to prevent painful anal sex. Start slow. "Only proceed if the muscles are relaxed and you are comfortable," Dr. Greenleaf says. "Stop when it becomes uncomfortable, and ensure you communicate with your partner what feels good and doesn't." In order to relax, consider warming yourself up with foreplay or anal masturbation. You can also take a warm shower or bath before, too, to set the mood and put you in the right mind space. Use lube to decrease the amount of friction, Dr. Greenleaf says. This can help with discomfort and pain and make it easier for items to slide in and out of the anus. (More on the specific type of lube you should use below.) Wear a condom. This can help protect you from contracting an STI like gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, HIV, and more. Start small. "Using smaller items such as a finger or dilator to slowly pass into the anal canal before placing an object of a larger diameter would be a great way to test the waters," Dr. Greenleaf says. She also suggests holding the object in place for a little so you can ensure the muscles are relaxed. Once you know you or your partner is relaxed, you can then proceed with movement. Masturbate first. Learn what type of sensations you enjoy during anal sex by masturbating by yourself first. Do you like the feeling of an anus massage over penetration? Do you like the "popping" sensation anal beads provide? Or do you prefer how a butt plug feels inside of you with no movement? Learning about your body's needs and wants can be helpful before bringing a partner into the mix. Bonus tip: you can even try mutual masturbation with your partner in order to show them how you like to be touched during anal sex. Communicate with your partner. Before engaging in sex, let your partner know what you're interested in trying during anal sex, what sex positions you'd like to try, any safe words you'd like to establish before play starts, etc. Then, as you're having sex, let your partner know how things feel. If something feels off, don't be afraid to use your safe word to slow down or stop play completely. After sex, engage in aftercare by discussing what worked, what didn't, what felt good, what you'd like to try next time, what you would not like to try next time, and more. This communication can lead to a better and less painful anal sex experience in the future. Anal Lube Options The best anal lube option for your anal sex exploration is either silicone-based lubricant or water-based lubricant, depending on your preferences. But generally, "a silicone lube is usually the best for anal sex because it takes longer to dry out," sex and relationship coach Angela Rosario says. However, if you are using a sex toy made out of silicone, you'll want to use a water-based lubricant, since silicone-based lube can break down the sex-toy material. Some of our favorite water-based lubricants include Lovehoney's water-based lubricant ($17) and Unbound's Jelly formula ($18). For silicone-based lubricants, you can try Überlube ($20) and Sliquid's silicone lube ($40). Also, make sure you aren't using numbing lube. While this kind of lube does exist - not only to reduce friction and sensitivity - Rosario doesn't advise using it for anal play. "You want to make sure that you're feeling everything," she says, that way you know what your limits are, which can help prevent pain. For more information on anal sex, read our guide on how to prepare for anal sex. Related: Why Do I Bloat After Sex? Ob-Gyns Break Down 6 Possible Causes Taylor Andrews is a Balance editor at POPSUGAR who specializes in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, and more. In her six years working in editorial, she's written about how semen is digested, why sex aftercare is the move, and how the overturn of Roe killed situationships.

Great sex may include a little bit of lube, a lot of communication, a tried-and-true sex position. But something your sex life may be missing? A safe word. "A safe word is a word that people use as a way of saying 'no,' 'stop,' or 'enough' during sex," certified sexologist Amanda Dames tells PS. Even if exploring kinks and common fetishes isn't something you're interested in, a safe word is essential no matter the type of sex you're having. It ensures all parties feel safe, respected, and in control, allowing for a healthier (and likely better) sex life. Below, Dames and sex therapist Nicolle Dirksen share what to know about safe words, including how to use a safe word, good safe word examples, and more. What Is a Safe Word? A safe word is an agreed-upon term used during sex to "communicate a desire for the activity to stop," Dirksen says. If you want to stop for any reason, whether that's because the sex feels painful, you feel uncomfortable, or something doesn't feel right, using a safe word is a simple way to communicate that with your partner. Additionally, for couples who enjoy kink and role-playing scenarios, a safe word ensures that there's no confusion. In the case that saying "no" or "you're hurting me" or "stop" is a part of your role-play, having a safe word "indicates play needs to stop immediately," Dames says. Good Safe-Word Examples When choosing a safe word, decide with your partner(s) whether you want one safe word to indicate that play should stop immediately or if you want to use the traffic light method. The traffic light method uses three safe words: red, yellow, and green. "Yellow can mean 'I need to slow down' or 'Let's take a pause.' Red will mean 'Stop now.' And then green is an easy way to communicate that you're still feeling good," Dames says. If one safe word suits your sex life better, there are a few things to keep in mind. A good safe word should be easy to remember, easy to say, easy to understand, and a word you don't typically use in everyday speech, Dirksen says. "These rules help ensure that there won't be confusion if the safe word is used," Dirksen says. Here are some good safe-word examples: Pineapple Red Mars Carrot Grass Hammer Toast Vacuum However, safe words don't have to be words - and they shouldn't be if you or your partner's mouth will be covered with tape or a ball gag, for example. "Safe words might not be an option in certain situations, scenarios, or scenes that don't allow one partner the ability to speak," Dirksen says. "In these situations, it's important to also consider a safe signal of some kind that does not require vocalization." In these scenarios, you could use a hand signal, tap on your partner's shoulder a certain number of times, snap your fingers, or drop a ball you've been holding. How to Use a Safe Word To use a safe word, simply say the agreed-upon word confidently and loudly during sex. And if your mouth is restricted, proceed with your safe, nonverbal cue. You can either communicate right then with your partner why you used the safe word and then start things up again once you've discussed, or you can choose to take some time. If your partner uses the safe word, stop any action immediately. Then, check in with your partner to understand why the safe word was used and what you can do differently in the future. In both cases, engaging in sexual aftercare following your sex session is important. Yes, it can include checking in about the sexual experience, but it can also include snuggling, eating food together, or running a bath. No matter the reason the safe word was used, aftercare will help your mind and body calm down and allow you to connect with your partner again. Related: The Easiest Way to Have a Stronger, More Intense Orgasm, According to Experts Taylor Andrews is a Balance editor at POPSUGAR who specializes in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, and more. In her six years working in editorial, she's written about how semen is digested, why sex aftercare is the move, and how the overturn of Roe killed situationships.

From weighted and warming designs to vibrating and glass creations, butt plugs are just one of the many sex toys on the market that are clearly having a moment. But before we take an up-close look at all the different choices you can buy, let's start with the butt-plug basics, shall we? What exactly is a butt plug? Butt plugs are penetrative products designed to stimulate the anal region, says Cécile Gasnault, brand director of sex toy and accessories brand Smile Makers. "For male-bodied people, [butt plugs] can help to massage the highly erogenous prostate. For female-bodied people, [butt plugs] can come and titillate nerves that also interact with the clitoral region and can be an indirect way to exert pressure on the G-spot region by pushing against the vagina." She adds that "some female-bodied people also like to use it as a way to create a tighter feel in the vagina." Deciding you want to add a butt plug to your sex routine is the easy part, though. The hard part? Choosing which butt plug to use. When choosing a butt plug, it's important to consider the materials it's made of and its shape and size. "Material-wise, it's important to make sure that it's body-safe and that the surface is nonporous to be easy to wash," Gasnault says. "Glass or silicone toys can both feel great, but beginners might feel more comfortable starting with silicone, which has a very soft touch." Likewise, Gasnault recommends that those easing into anal play "start small." In other words, look for toys that "present a rounded and narrow tip for easier insertion," she says. "Make sure that your toy also has a flare at the base for safety" (aka, so it doesn't get stuck). To give you some options, we've rounded up the best butt plugs of 2023, with insight from experts on why they love them. Once you've picked out your favorites though, don't forget to read up on our guide on how to use a butt plug before jumping right into play. You'll thank us later. Related: How to Actually Orgasm During Vaginal Sex, According to an Expert

From weighted and warming designs to vibrating and glass creations, butt plugs are just one of the many sex toys on the market that are clearly having a moment. But before we take an up-close look at all the different choices you can buy, let's start with the butt-plug basics, shall we? What exactly is a butt plug? Butt plugs are penetrative products designed to stimulate the anal region, says Cécile Gasnault, brand director of sex toy and accessories brand Smile Makers. "For male-bodied people, [butt plugs] can help to massage the highly erogenous prostate. For female-bodied people, [butt plugs] can come and titillate nerves that also interact with the clitoral region and can be an indirect way to exert pressure on the G-spot region by pushing against the vagina." She adds that "some female-bodied people also like to use it as a way to create a tighter feel in the vagina." Deciding you want to add a butt plug to your sex routine is the easy part, though. The hard part? Choosing which butt plug to use. When choosing a butt plug, it's important to consider the materials it's made of and its shape and size. "Material-wise, it's important to make sure that it's body-safe and that the surface is nonporous to be easy to wash," Gasnault says. "Glass or silicone toys can both feel great, but beginners might feel more comfortable starting with silicone, which has a very soft touch." Likewise, Gasnault recommends that those easing into anal play "start small." In other words, look for toys that "present a rounded and narrow tip for easier insertion," she says. "Make sure that your toy also has a flare at the base for safety" (aka, so it doesn't get stuck). To give you some options, we've rounded up the best butt plugs of 2023, with insight from experts on why they love them. Once you've picked out your favorites though, don't forget to read up on our guide on how to use a butt plug before jumping right into play. You'll thank us later. Related: How to Actually Orgasm During Vaginal Sex, According to an Expert