Just when you think we are almost out of the conspiratorial business, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell sucks us back in. To large swaths of Americans stuck in the NFL’s orbit, Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift are the NFL’s Mr. and Mrs. Smith, merely existing as a partnership to do to the NFL’s bidding in the cultural realm.
Somehow football fans have been developing a range of outlandish NFL Illuminati conversations about the Kelce-Swift relationship since her very first appearance for a Kansas City Chiefs home game against the Chicago Bears on Sept. 24. Of course, no conspiracy can thrive without the involvement of higher-ups.
Everyone had mostly put their Pepe Silvia mindset to the side until just before kickoff Sunday when Goodell and Taylor Swift began having a conversation in a luxury box. While it’s amusing to imagine the NFL operating as some KGB-esque cultural agency with that type of pull, it’s also unlikely as hell unless Goodell has been pretending to be a socially inept punching bag.
However, I’m midway through binging Rob Reiner and Soledad O’Brien’s “Who killed JFK” podcast, which has me in a zone, so just play along. The last time The Commish had a high-profile appearance with a Super Bowl NPC was when he was seated next to Russell Wilson during consecutive Super Bowls. A few months later Wilson was traded to the Denver Broncos. Veeeery interesting, indeed. Wilson’s inability to perform up to par serves as the backdrop for the Year in Swift and Kelce.
I can’t purport to know if the The Commish and Taylor were just engaging in pithy small talk or if he was there to hash out the final details in the next stage of their plan, but if one were to delve into the darkest corners of their minds, this is what they were discussing, maybe, but probably not.
Their plans to extend her relationship with Travis have hit a snag, the season is almost over, and with her on break from the international leg of her tour, up close and personal negotiations out in the open were the best chance he’d have to utilize that ole Goodell charm.
Convincing Taylor it’s in her best interest to keep Travis Kelce from retiring. Kelce apparently gave a speech on Saturday that brought teammates to tears. The Commish likely heard before the rest of us and is going to extreme lengths to keep Travis from upending their escalation plans for next season.
Promising her the Super Bowl 59 Halftime Show. Swift announced she has an album coming out this year, so what better time to consummate her relationship with the NFL on its biggest stage.
Taylor Swift strong-armed The Commish with an ultimatum to increase the NFL’s compensation package and exorbitant appearance fees after she overperformed this season.
Goodell tries to get a picture with Taylor to show his twin daughters while she apologizes, but reiterates that the no-camera phones policy applies to him too.
Taylor telling The Commish that the deal is off and that she’s actually fallen for Travis’ quirky charm.
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